Small Group Crit

Here are the comments made about my latest motion piece.

Message

is the message clear?
It is clear but it can be clearer. Some of the elements aren't on the screen long enough and several of the lines, especially the first ones seen, can be worded to make the message clearer. For example, instead of 'we do,' try something like 'we should' since I later make the point that so few youth vote and it could be seen as contradictory. Try and make it a slightly more empowering and unifying message.

is the message memorable?
Punch colors or more variation in some of the text could make it more memorable. More color could also help. Try to make the wording used in the message stronger.

how could it be more clear or dynamic or compelling?
Play with scale in terms of text and characters. Rearrange the text and emphasize certain words and lines. Also, as mentioned above, creating a message that makes it more inclusive and collective of all youth voters could help. For example, rather than have the young voters saying things like "My brother is going back to Iraq," phrase it as "Our family members and friends are going to Iraq."

Technical

visual language
More punch colors. Have the words "young Americans" stay on screen longer rather than "don't care." Makes more sense. Play with various weights with the text, especially during that first scene.

transitions
Part between "47% of young people" and "70% of older people" is slightly awkward. Try something like a size change of 47%, then having it fade into 70%, or something like that.

type and color
Color is nice, but try adding a very light color as a background instead of the white. Punch some of the type.

sound
Add something like a bass line throughout.